With the puppy finally full and resting, Cheyenne took a much needed nap; but she didn’t sleep well. She dreamed about her horses and her foals. The estate was failing and the horses were dying, all because of her. She let them down. The horses ran past her as her grandfather stood there in a shroud of fog staring at her and shaking his head. “I thought you were going to be great, Cheyenne. You were going to make a lasting name for yourself; but you let me down. You let Chuck down and now, you let Evelynn down. What do you have to say for yourself? Answer me Cheyenne!” She tossed and turned as the dream continued. “No! I tried. I couldn’t help it! Grandpa, I tried, I really did.” She cried to him, trying to get him to listen, but he wouldn’t.
“No…no…no!” Cheyenne woke up screaming in a heap of sweat around her. The blankets were thrown all over the bed, and half on the floor. She fought to catch her breath for a moment as she realized it was just a dream. “Hey! Hey! Cheyenne; are you ok?” Chuck asked as he came rushing in.
“I failed.” She said over and over again. “Failed? Failed at what?” he asked. “I failed at everything. I let you and Evelynn down, I let my grandfather down…the horses! Are they ok?!” She suddenly felt like the world was crashing around her. “Yes, shush, they’re all ok. You didn’t fail anyone, Cheyenne. Shush..” He hugged her, holding her tight as tears streamed down her face.“Why? Why am I like this Chuck? I was never like this before.” She pulled away from him, embarrassed at her behavior.
“Cheyenne, I think this is how you are dealing with everything. It’s ok.”
“No, no its not. I’m a grown woman with a child, with the estate. I shouldn’t be freaking out like this. What is wrong with me?”She began to cry more as she tried to make sense of everything. “Cheyenne, listen, it’s just been a rough few months. You’ll get through this. I know you will.”
“How can you be so sure?” She asked, wiping the tears from her face. Her hands soaked. “Because, I know you; and I’ve known you for a long time. You are a strong woman.”
“I used to be.” She shook her head, dismissing his compliments.
“You still are.” He began as he sat down next to her, “Do you remember that day we first met? I thought you were crazy for wanting to fix this place up and creating a racing string here. But you saw what it could be, you knew there was still greatness here; and look at it now.”
Cheyenne took a moment to hear what he said. She remembered that day she first entered the old house; the day she opened those rusty creaking old barn doors and envisioned the noble barn and seeing the winning horses as they crossed the finish line. Chuck wiped the remaining bit of tears from her cheek, “We live here, but you created this place. You were the one to see what it could become, and I know your grandfather would be so proud of what you have accomplished here. You should never feel like a failure. Never.” He held his hand on her face as he looked at her. She closed her eyes, feeling his hand and then heard the puppy begin to cry. Her eyes opened and she smiled, “thank you Chuck. I really needed that.”
The next morning, her alarm went off at 6:30am. She turned it off and clumsily made her way to the bathroom; but this time, when she saw her scar, she didn’t see it as a monster that destroyed her, she saw a mark of courage, of strength. She realized that every stumble she had taken, had given her something wonderful. The loss of her grandfather, gave her purpose. The loss of Roger gave her Evelynn and then Chuck; and now, the loss of her uterus, gave her a puppy in need, a puppy that needed a mother. She had lost one kind of baby, but given another.
She continued to feed that puppy every two hours for the next few weeks and she watched as the frail little puppy grew stronger, and before long, he was able to run and play in the grass. He was able to chase Evelynn in the yard. He was strong, just like her. He could have given up, but he didn’t; and neither would she.
“No…no…no!” Cheyenne woke up screaming in a heap of sweat around her. The blankets were thrown all over the bed, and half on the floor. She fought to catch her breath for a moment as she realized it was just a dream. “Hey! Hey! Cheyenne; are you ok?” Chuck asked as he came rushing in.
“I failed.” She said over and over again. “Failed? Failed at what?” he asked. “I failed at everything. I let you and Evelynn down, I let my grandfather down…the horses! Are they ok?!” She suddenly felt like the world was crashing around her. “Yes, shush, they’re all ok. You didn’t fail anyone, Cheyenne. Shush..” He hugged her, holding her tight as tears streamed down her face.“Why? Why am I like this Chuck? I was never like this before.” She pulled away from him, embarrassed at her behavior.
“Cheyenne, I think this is how you are dealing with everything. It’s ok.”
“No, no its not. I’m a grown woman with a child, with the estate. I shouldn’t be freaking out like this. What is wrong with me?”She began to cry more as she tried to make sense of everything. “Cheyenne, listen, it’s just been a rough few months. You’ll get through this. I know you will.”
“How can you be so sure?” She asked, wiping the tears from her face. Her hands soaked. “Because, I know you; and I’ve known you for a long time. You are a strong woman.”
“I used to be.” She shook her head, dismissing his compliments.
“You still are.” He began as he sat down next to her, “Do you remember that day we first met? I thought you were crazy for wanting to fix this place up and creating a racing string here. But you saw what it could be, you knew there was still greatness here; and look at it now.”
Cheyenne took a moment to hear what he said. She remembered that day she first entered the old house; the day she opened those rusty creaking old barn doors and envisioned the noble barn and seeing the winning horses as they crossed the finish line. Chuck wiped the remaining bit of tears from her cheek, “We live here, but you created this place. You were the one to see what it could become, and I know your grandfather would be so proud of what you have accomplished here. You should never feel like a failure. Never.” He held his hand on her face as he looked at her. She closed her eyes, feeling his hand and then heard the puppy begin to cry. Her eyes opened and she smiled, “thank you Chuck. I really needed that.”
The next morning, her alarm went off at 6:30am. She turned it off and clumsily made her way to the bathroom; but this time, when she saw her scar, she didn’t see it as a monster that destroyed her, she saw a mark of courage, of strength. She realized that every stumble she had taken, had given her something wonderful. The loss of her grandfather, gave her purpose. The loss of Roger gave her Evelynn and then Chuck; and now, the loss of her uterus, gave her a puppy in need, a puppy that needed a mother. She had lost one kind of baby, but given another.
She continued to feed that puppy every two hours for the next few weeks and she watched as the frail little puppy grew stronger, and before long, he was able to run and play in the grass. He was able to chase Evelynn in the yard. He was strong, just like her. He could have given up, but he didn’t; and neither would she.